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1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
5. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
6. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
7. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
8. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
9. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.